Monday, July 30, 2007

That kryptonite (I be on dat)



This week on Philebrity I make the case for Philly as the next home to an MLS expansion franchise. Why? Because Philly is full of hooligans.

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Friday, July 27, 2007

Fog Machines and Laser Rays



Another lazy weekend post this week, because, as per usual, there's really only one game in town (OK, that's a lie probably, but only one that we care about).

Saturday- The LAST EVER Philadelphyinz "OG" at the Khyber. It's been two years, and now it's time to move on. The place has been good to us ever since we was lower case G's. Come celebrate one last night of $1 Beers and the best jams this side of everywhere.

56 S. 2nd Street, Philadelphia. 9PM-2AM, No Cover.

See the full size flyer here (it's fucking amazing!).



Philadelphyinz OG: 2005-2007

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Just Sayin Pentagon Papers- Chechen Ox Police



Thanks a secret communication with a confidential informant familiar with news that everybody knows in Europe, we bring you the details of a scandal that is on par with Mike Vick's dogfighting indictment, Barry Bonds' fat ass head, the NBA referee gambling dustup or the Tour de France dopefest...

Deepest Throat: so i think as far as sports scandals have gone recently, f1 might be in the lead as far as bugged out shit
GentleWhoadie9000: really? there are some really bangin scandals right now- mike vick, barry bonds, nba ref, tour de france
DT: the f1 scandal involves some straight up spy shit
GW9K: straight bangin scandals
and fast ass cars
DT: espionage, man
nobody gives a shit about the tour de france thing
everyone outside of bike racing knew all along that everyone was using
my mom knew that they were doping
i'm pretty sure my neighbor's dog knew too
GW9K: but your neighbors dog is on roids, so he knew all the warning signs
DT: fair enough, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter
because all of four people in the entire world watch the tour de france
and they all wear ridiculous pants anyway
GW9K: that's like 60% of europe
GW9K: 4 dudes from kraftwerk, burnso and jaromir jagr
that's europe



DT: the other reason the f1 scandal is a big deal is that f1 has more money riding on it than any other sport in the world
GW9K: what's the scandal- is somebody pouring sugar in somebody's gas tank?
DT: so a few races ago, somebody at the ferrari team found some "inappropriate material" in one of their offices, but wouldn't say what it was, only said that the italian police were investigating
a while later, it turns out that the chief engineer at ferrari and the chief engineer at mclaren were collaborating on some shit
they found 708 pages of confidential technical documents at the mclaren dude's crib
GW9K: what does this mean exactly?
DT: ferrari immediately accuse mclaren of some serious cheating, stealing their shit, etc
to make matters worse, both the dudes involved had been interviewing at honda together, and ostensibly offering the same shit to them
GW9K: i see. did they slap fight?
DT: no, but it's turned into an enormous multinational legal fight
the fia got involved, had a council thing, and for some fucked up reason decided not to penalize mclaren
GW9K: sweet. the car chases in the ensuing spy thriller quasi-fictional film will be EXCELLENT. some cop flips his peugeot off a dam
DT: who the fuck would have a car chase in a peugeot? it'd fall apart before it even got onto the dam
GW9K: the police in europe drive these little shit cans with the weird sirens and the bad guys always rock italian sports cars or ill german sedans. it's never fair. the cops have really dumb hats too. that's why deniro was so clutch in ronin. nobody could hang



DT: http://www.italiancar.net/images/3-4%20anteriore%20con%20lampeggiatore_lg.jpg
GW9K: YO
DT: that's what's up
GW9K: do they seriously drive those things or do they just pick up chicks?
DT: highway patrol
the german police drive porsche 911s
GW9K: chechen ox police

Deepest Throat is actually Relative Q, whose album we reviewed not too long ago. He blogs about cars, electronic music and West Virginia hootenannies at relativeq.blogspot.com.

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Thursday, July 26, 2007

Ultimate Sayin: Volume XIX



Yeah, that's Zack Galifianakis and Will "Bonnie Prince Billy" Oldham on a fucking farm doing an alternate (and authorized) video of Kanye West's Can't Tell Me Nothin. There's clogging and chainsaws and hipster genie Nino Brown costumes and tractor hijinx. Wowsers. From the Louis Vuitton driving shoes to Daft Punk to the Bonnie Prince Billy, Kanye knows white folks better than most white folks know themselves.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

What it Doo Dew





Flicks from Crew Love are now available, courtesy of 51:51 and also from our super-homegirl Alodie.

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Monday, July 23, 2007

Knuckleheads



-Baseball season is officially over as the Steelers prepare to report to camp. Dial it back for a sec- if last year was Mighty Ducks 2, what the fuck is this year?



New video from Skills featuring Philly Freeway. Classic nonsense- ""motherfuckers wanna act like michael from the wire til they realize that michael's just an actor on the wire." Wowsers.

By the way, Freeway's wikipedia page currently says "lives in The Marquis Apartments in King of Prussia, PA." Uh. Somebody might want to remove that, whether it's true or not. Early?

-Great post linking the recent release of French gamin des banlieux epic La Haine's Criterion release and the recent ascendancy of dickheadish Nicholas Sarkozy. Peep it at That Good Good.



-Photos from Friday's Crew Love smasher should be forthcoming shortly- we took in over 300 people at the door and the whole place was basically a mad house of party jams and good vibes.

-Lastly, peep this week's math over at Philebrity, where I break down Pat Burrell's imprint on the Philadelphia psyche.

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Friday, July 20, 2007

Fog Machines and Laser Rays

This is what you/we've been waiting for... but then again, you already knew that.





Reduced price guestlist closes at 6PM- email to crewlovelist (at) gmail (dot) com.

Philebrity has a good roundup for some sounds and flicks etc.,

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

[Superhero] dat [noun]



News Tracks News Tracks

-Here's a lil' present for those of you who have heard this track on the LCD Nike Jogging mix: LCD Soundsytem- 33.45 Part 1 (Apt One Edit)

-Wiz Khalifa signs to Warner. Dude went to the same high school as Skinny, Burnso and Me. Big up. Listen to dude rap over the beat to So Crispy (from the new Green Lantern mixtape) over at XXL.

-Two good perspectives on Gary Sheffield's "Joe Torre doesn't care about black people etc.," comments: Tyler Kepner of the New York Times and the Mighty MJD at the Fanhouse.

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Monday, July 16, 2007

Just Sayin Pentagon Papers- Terroristic Badgers and the future of Iraqi Dance Music



In case you've been living under a rock for the last 72 hours, you already know that some sort of vicious, man-eating honey badger is terrorizing Basra, Iraq. Aside from this being extremely funny, it is a reminder of the days when mankind was constantly under threat from vicious carnivores. These were the days before we invented the Clovis spear point and turned all these animals into college football team mascots.

Here's a leaked communication between myself and JS2000 ally Challah:

Challah: every single person i saw all weekend would not stop talking about these badgers.
GentleWhoadie9000: they just got signed to Ed Banger
C: their myspace is out of control. i heard they haven't even started learning to play instruments yet. that's how confident they are.
GW9K: yeah, but the fashion at their parties is totally wild
C: i hear google is thinking of buying out their whole badger act for something like 500 million dollars. and one of the badgers is dating the girl from fiery furnaces now. the other one is too busy growling and cleaning himself.
GW9K: lou dobbs fucking hates those things



Now that your sweetbreads are adequately scrambled, head on over to Philebrity, where I'm busy writing fantastical letters to celebrities full of cryptic Lil' Wayne references.

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Friday, July 13, 2007

Fog Machines and Laser Rays



While you're busy getting your drinking shoes on early this evening, gnaw on this new track.

Jimi Hendrix- Crosstown Traffic (Apt One Remix)

I've been playing various rough edits of this remix out the last month or so- enjoy the rowdy flavor and nostalgic charm!

Friday

Old school heads got choices:

93 'TIL INFINITY vs. ALL THE UGLY PEOPLE BE QUIET!!!!

The bol (and JS2000 booster) iCON the Mic King rocks with Souls of Mischief at Johnny Brenda's (Frankford & Girard) while DJ Cash Money does his thing at Fluid (613 S. 4th St).

Saturday



Like you didn't know- it's Philadelphyinz 2 @ Medusa Lounge. Special guest- Kool DJ JJC, fresh off a one month US tour with Mose Giganticus and Emotron.

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Money's flowin like cash



As a follow-up the bol Skinny's "jaw-on-the-floor" steez regarding Funk Flex's 5-hour 90's rap marathon... we figured we'd post up a copy posted up over on ye Hollerboard.

Part 1



Part 2



Part 3




Part 4





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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Dip dip dive



VFW FOR LIFE!!! FREE GENERAL WAINWRIGHT!!! BABY HOUSTON WHAT!!!?!?!?!?

Bun B from UGK has a blog. It's as good as you'd think it'd be. In this week's edition, he makes an extended analogy wherein he warns other rappers that, much like the USS Indianapolis, they have the components to drop a bomb, but they better watch their asses or they'll get eaten by sharks...or something like that.

Wait, does this make Pimp C one of the early prisoners from the Bataan Death March, waiting to be freed by General MacArthur aka Slim Thug?

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Monday, July 09, 2007

Eins Zwei Drei Vier Funf



Go get the NEW MATH today over at Philebrity. There's a poll there, if you like that kind of thing.

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Friday, July 06, 2007

heads or tails



On the way back from the homeland, I turned on Hot 97 when we hit Jerz. And fuck yeah, Funkmaster Flex was on.

Funkmaster Flex's show, for those of you not in listening range--which I would assume includes some weird corner of Siberia where, through a magnetic anomaly, children in Russian villages are learning English from Flex, and thus think every sentence ends with a bomb going off--is a weird experiment in minimalist turntable magic. I'm all for excited rewinds, but Flex plays the same song like three times straight, then lets dead air roll while he thinks about cars. During the week he has to stick to the script ("Buy U A Drank", bomb drop, "Buy U A Drank", "Bartender" four times in a row, "We Takin Over"), but at least when he plays T-Pain, he cues up the drop he got from Teddy in which a) he calls himself Teddy Bradshaw and b) talks about putting Lambourghini doors on a Scion.

Anyways, this particular Tuesday, it would appear 50 Cent's new single had begun making the payola rounds. It's common knowledge that the first two tracks from CURTIS--"Straight to the Bank" and "Amusement Park"--were, in the words of the immortal Ray Cash, a hot mess, so it's not surprising that the new jam "I Get Money" or "Dollar Sign Dollar Sign Dollar Sign" or "Gross National Product" or "Fiduciary Dividends" or whatever the fuck it's called, is getting the full-court press.

Take a second and guess, how long did Funkmaster Flex play "I Get Money" on Tuesday night?

a) 10 minutes
b) 20 minutes
c) 40 minutes
d) the fuck am I taking a poll on a blog about 50 Cent for?

If you chose c), you would be right.

The track isn't even that bad. I can't be mad at a good "Top Billin" flip and the hook uses the "I get money / money I got line". The rest of the beat is the drums from "Hustler" and some "Seductive"-esque synths. You know, capable bargain basement G-Unit production. But Flex ran it back continuously between 5:45 and 6:25 AT LEAST, because it gave my girl a migraine. Real talk.

So if you got loot and you know a Lighty, Funkmaster Flex will play your new single for damn near an hour, stopping every four or five seconds to drop a bomb and ask someone in the studio if they heard that line about Vitamin Water!!!!!! Or how disrespectful that shit is!!!!!! *bomb drop x 14*

But Funk Flex on the weekends is a different matter entirely. Dude really does whatever. I heard him play "Computer Love". I heard him play some incredibly gay hip-house. One time I turned on Funk Flex on Sunday and he was juggling "Mass Appeal". In 2007!! When was the last time someone neither Japanese nor Swedish juggled "Mass Appeal"?? Maybe I'm just mad fucking jaded, but we can tone the complaining about radio down about 2% on the strength of that paragraph. He's still on some weird spaced out shit, but instead of him pontificating on how much he loves Akon, he drops the "Who You Wit" instrumental and screams about what cars are no longer acceptable.

Anyways, Funkmaster Flex's July 4th set (which Hot 97 "was callin a weekend anyway!") was FIVE HOURS OF 90'S MUSIC. Go grab that shit.

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Thursday, July 05, 2007

Them tricks, they go boom!



A quick post-declaration-signing-hangover roundup:

-Your boy revealed the new math over on Philebrity on Monday. Breakin' atoms son!

-Freddie Adu dropped a hat trick as the US20 squad chopped Poland the fuck up 6-1. This is just our way of saying "thanks for nothing, Thaddeus Kosciuszko." Oh, and since the robots are our future, these kids must be those robots.

Here's Adu's first goal, which is just fucking sick:



-Freddy Sanchez was chosen to represent the Pirates in the All-Star game. Ian Snell got snubbed, but dude is the truth, and I'm sure it'll only make him mad as hell, which is a good thing.

I gotta drop an Ian Snell post sooner or later, because he's suddenly become the best thing about the Bucs on and off the field.

-Oh, and get the early word on this:



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