Saturday, June 09, 2007

DP:AH Eye Witness News

I made the trek up to the BX to see our sad little attempt at a baseball team take on New York's sad little attempt at living up to dynastic expectations with four rookies in their starting rotation. There was more yellow and black there than I expected, but you know...the 412 reps.

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Tom Gorzelanny looked really good and had lots of fat dudes with crew cuts mispronouncing his name trying to figure out who he was, but he was up over 100 pitches by the 6th inning. So they brought in the hurling force that is Josh Grabow. And when he shit the bed and put runners at the corners with A-Rod coming to bat, Jim Tracy made the call for...

Salomon Torres.



You have to think Tracy surveyed the field, looked at his bullpen and knew immediately he just needed a scapegoat. And who is more likely to meekly fuck up the baseball couch than a maligned closer who just lost his job? "We'll let Jason Bay's good month solve this problem because our pitching clearly isn't going to do it. Fuck it, get me Torres."

He promptly landed his first pitch squarely in A-Rod's shoulder. I don't think I can relay to you exactly how anti-climactic this was. Everybody in the stadium was standing up, cheering extra loud because the Yanks were losing to the fucking Pirates (4-2 at that point). It was a showdown, the kind of spring-loaded moment which would either end with one of baseball's most frightening hitters doing his job and saving Steinbrenner's handlers from a thrown paperweight to the eye, or with one of the most underwhelming relievers in memorable history eking out of a jam against all odds. There are few plays that wouldn't have been somewhat exciting. Even a pop fly could have been a momentary thrill, in the split-second home run potential before one realizes the ball's true trajectory.

Torres is not only a horrible reliever, he is a killjoy. He is ruining baseball.

Aside from that travesty against decent pitching, the Buccos actually looked pretty good. Chris Duffy had a fucking inside-the-park home run (!!!) on a ball which Melky Cabrera misplayed. Generally monster Matt Capps giving up what was apparently an unplayable single to Jeter in the 10th is no shame. Of course, beating this year's Yankees is no boast. But still.

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Extra baseball related excitement:
In this month's ESPN: The Magazine (such is the price of being an Insider), David Ortiz claims his favorite baseball player is Kirby Puckett, a fact echoed by his wife of all people. Obviously Puckett was a phenomenal player and in this era of forced full-disclosure, we have to learn to compartmentalize the boyhood joy we get from watching our favorite players, and our knowledge of their ridiculous indiscretions after the fact. Still, I thought it was funny.

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