Tuesday, May 01, 2007

It's a setup



That ain't milk

Just Sayin 2000 is the site you know you can count on to absolutely avoid the big story. After covering football like some street-wise Grantland Rices in a wall-to-wall stylee, we barely even touched the draft. We didn't even mention it when the Penguins were eliminated from the playoffs. Instead, we covered baseball and Dipset because those subjects require casual invective rather than research. But we are so presumptuous as to believe that we owe our readers a public service- after all, Joey, BShoals et al don't cover football.

So here it is, JS2000 NFL Draft Recap:

First, why does anybody attend the NFL Draft? What a non-event. Do these people go to auctions and will readings just in case they have to boo anybody?



Dem Stillers:

I think it was Ryan Wilson who said that a Steelers draft inspires chants of "serenity now...serenity now" from the faithful. Not only does the Steelers front office seem to have fatherly wisdom and foresight, but they are also impenetrably cryptic when it comes to their future plans. Usually there's one good "need" pick (mostly defensive backs in the past) and then a bunch of whothefuck type picks from I-AA schools and guys that they have charted high simply because they feel that they should draft anybody with the temperment to work in a mill.

Everybody is on pins and needles because Tomlin is running the ship, panicking a bit because dear old Dad Cah'r is gone (and they just debuted a stupid fucking mascot, but that's another story).



Watch out for Haiti bitches, I heard they throw hex

I like the fact that the Steelers picked a punter, even though everybody thinks they're nuts. The three things that have plagued the Steelers in the last ten years, in descending order of importance: 1. Inconsistent quarterback play, 2. Porous defensive secondary, 3. SPECIAL TEAMS. This new punter guy is going to be worth something like 30 or 40 yards a game. That's actually a pretty big deal.

Elsewhere:

-It was fun to watch Brady Quinn fall like a rock through the draft and then end up with the Browns. Hopefully he will make them good enough for me to hate them again, but not so good that they actually beat the 'Lers. Also, if he turns out to be a decent quarterback, he'll be a perfect evil totem- pretty boy quarterback with an ego and a blister sheet of repressed homosexuality pills.



-The Pats traded for Randy Moss. People think that there's no precedent for the Pats picking up a "star" and assimilating him into their Belichick Red Bloc Groupthink, complete with Soviet style tenement housing and lots of root vegetables. Not so. Remember a guy named Corey Dillon? Didn't he have six 1,000 yard seasons before he got to New England? Wasn't he some big cancer in Cinci, playing Project Pat at full volume while the Akili Smith was trying to call the signals (or something like that)?

Anyway, I love Randy Moss. Anybody so black that they make Joe Buck's country club neck turn purple with rage gets a place on the ballot for my Hall of Fame. Also, dude's from West Virginia, which means that Paul has probably fucked his sister at one time or another.

-The Eagles drafted a quarterback. I guess they've figured out that the best way to sustain interest (for lack of actual success) is by stoking racial tensions in Philadelphia via incessant quarterback controversies. If you don't know, I can't explain it to you.

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