Thursday, April 26, 2007

Dave Parker: American Hero

This was originally slated to be some sort of Steelers draft preview, but I was pretty overwhelmed by the pessimism inherant in April football coverage. I usually don't give up on the Pirates until they are mathematically eliminated sometime around Memorial Day, so I figured I'd give them a few words while they are still kicking.

When he wasn't choking on chocolate covered almonds during last night's broadcast, Bob Walk said something so obvious and profound that I felt stupid I hadn't thought of it first. He said that all the Pirates have to do to be any good is take care of their young pitching staff and make sure they are confident. Ever since I shivered through a complete game Walk victory in the 1992 NLCS, I've pretty much believe anything the man says. I even sold my house so I could give the money to the Church of Walk.

So here's what I propose: everybody send a prostitute and/or a comparable cash amount to a member of the Pirates starting pitching staff. Also, in-kind gifts of yoga classes or self-esteem building cassette tape sets are acceptable.

Oh wait, they can't hit and Solomon Torres is a leaky roof of a closer. WHOOPS.

Maybe Walk isn't so wrong, but the Bucs never win by dominating (or at least excelling) in every phase of the game. That would be the sign of a good team. Right now the pitching is pretty decent, but I can't help but get pessimistic in a Fire Joe Morgan stylee. You can lose with good players, but you can't win without them. So who's good, or should I say, better than the league average? Seriously.

1B: Laroche- good (but not playing like it)
2B: Sanchez- maybe, but only if 06 wasn't a fluke
SS: Wilson- no
3B: Bautista- no
LF: Bay- good
RF: Nope

SP: They'll be better than the league average someday, but not all at once, and not all in Pittsburgh
RP: Decent, ok, Good.
Closer: Probably not

Well, there you have it. NOT GOOD AT BASEBALL.

Pirates Magic Number: 146