Thursday, April 05, 2007

Dave Parker: American Hero

Some memories last a lifetime

As the Pittsburgh Pirates season gets officially underway, there are sure to be periodic updates. In an effort to reign in the wild west of wordsmithing that Just Sayin has inadvertantly become, we have started to label things and make them regular features. For example, we have Whoadie Got Skates, Whoadie Got Crates, Fog Machines and Laser Rays and, er, Steelers.

For baseball, I think that as a bunch of yinzers and ex-pat yinzers, we should probably pick the Pirate who most embodies the spirit of Just Sayin. Look no further than Dave "The Cobra" Parker, who narrowly beat out Honus "Str8 Cuttin' Mugs" Wagner. Here's a pictographic justification:

In short, dude was a .300-hitting, butt-smoking gully machine with a laser rocket arm. He also hit 339 career homers, won a batting title and an MVP. He didn't need any steroids either, just yayo. I like to pretend that Parker was the model upon which Rick Ross ultimately based his appearance and persona. Observe:

Thus, let it be proclaimed! A new feature: Dave Parker: American Hero.

Anyway, take a good look at the graphic which graces the top of this post. Yes, those are today's National League standings. No, it's not a misprint. The Pirates are in first place. They've taken full advantage of a few well-timed implosions by the Astros bullpen, and now they are on the fast track to the playoffs. Look, I know there are still 159 games to play- plenty of time to nosedive. But can't I have my four days of baseball joy before another summer of misery? Stay tuned.