Friday, March 23, 2007

shea on smash



PREDICTED SIDE-EFFECTS OF IMPROPER SELECTION OF DAVID WRIGHT'S AT-BAT MUSIC:

Juelz Santana - "Second Coming"
Mets get Dipset team sponsorship. Beef with 50 Cent drives the Mets from Queens. New stadium in Harlem. Purple bats. Jose Reyes mixtape. Jim Jones in the bullpen.

Nas - "New York State of Mind"
David Wright wins MVP, then hits .260 for the next decade. Carlos Delgado stops sleeping, because sleep is the cousin of death. Willie Randolph announces intentions to "ether" the Florida Marlins.

O.A.R. - "That Was A Crazy Game Of Poker"
Wright majors in psych, then switches to the business school. Tribal tattoos.

Pharrell f/ Jay-Z - "Frontin"
Wright gets ideas and leaves the Mets to start his own team. Paul Lo Duca does not bag Beyonce.

U2 - "Mysterious Ways"
David Wright cures AIDS. Mets move to Darfur.

Bruce Springsteen - "Born To Run"
After 10 hard years on the job, Wright is finally offered a promotion down at the baseball factory. Massive union support increases Mets' fanbase exponentially. Wright loses a hand in a pitching machine.

David Bowie - "Fame"
Stardust-inspired facepaint begets Baseball Furies-inspried rage. Steroid indictments. Annoying testimony. Paul Lo Duca does not bag Mick Jagger.

Pearl Jam - "Better Man"
The salinity of the tears of despondent housewives in the stadium wreak havoc on Shea's plumbing. Mets move to Harlem. Stone Gossard in the bullpen.

Kanye West - "Gold Digger"
Kanye West shows up after Mets world series victory insisting his contribution be acknowledged. Justin Morneau signs to Ed Banger records.

Guns N' Roses - "Paradise City"

David Wright hits for the cycle, then never bats again.

M.I.A. - "Galang"
This. Or this.

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