Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Ol' timey, new timey

For as long as I can remember, watching sports with my father required coming up with an All-Name Team at some point. For example, the All-Charles starting five would probably be:

F: Charles Barkley
F: Charles Oakley
F: Charles Smith
G: Charlie Ward
G: Chuck Connors (yeah, the actor- look it up)

Bench: Chuck Person, Charlie Villanueva, Chucky Atkins
Coach: Chuck Daly
Shoes: Chuck Taylor
National Anthem: Ray Charles

Usually we try to figure out all the different ways one could spell Antwaan (Antoine, Antawn etc.,) or Dwayne (Duane, Dewayne Dwhaenne) or other such spellingistically challenging names. Basketball was usually the easiest, although baseball teams were workable too. In baseball, everybody used to have a name like Dingaling Wagon McGee or some such. For example, the All-Nickname team:

C: Yogi Berra
1B: Bow Wow Arft
2B: Smush Parker (ok, not really, but I couldn't think of anything)
3B: Pie Traynor
SS: Rabbit Maranville
OF: Ginger Beaumont
OF: Duke Snider
OF: Babe Ruth
P: Oil Can Boyd

In case you were wondering, there is a SABRmetric breakdown of goofy nicknames by position. "Red" kind of runs shit except at pitcher, where everybody is named "Lefty." God knows why.

Recently, I was made aware of a blog called Name Of The Year, where they just collect funny sports names and then arbitrarily judge them in a 64-name bracket every March. This year's bracket includes some tough teams, including number 1 seed Dick Dong Wang out of the Crotchtangle Regional and potential darkhorse Damon Cabbagestalk Jr., an 8 seed in the Bulltron Regional. This is probably the greatest thing ever that I should have thought of but didn't.

[NOTY: The Big Dance (Includes Printable Bracket)]

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