The great illadelph syrup shortage
From time to time we like to have our degenerate friends get a word in. Today's guest writer is Dos. He's written for us before- see those pieces here and here.
Its been a long time since the folks at Just Sayin' have accepted any of my submissions. But this is a piece of investigative reportage worthy or Woodward, or maybe even Bobby Novak, so I knew I'd get some love.
I had been gone for sometime getting money in Northern Europe, getting lifted on the rooftops of Finnish housing projects, standard ish. I returned to Philly to learn my wiz had fallen ill with the same death flu that kept me laid up shaking for four days in Porvoo while Pittsburgh b-ball phenom Nate Gerwig did his best to keep me out of the hospital. So after my return I take my girl to the doctor and coach her on the proper symptoms to describe so that she might acquire the holy grail of prescription medication. I am speaking of course about syrup.
Dubbed either the "yellow" or the "purple" by bols in Philly or "Lean" by the Texas cats who most commonly sip it, these synthetic opiods are the strongest shit you can grab save Oxys (but who really wants to do the drug next to heroin...much better to do the drug next to the drug next to heroin). The correct names for each strain of syrup are Promethazine with Codeine (purple) and Tussionex (Yellow). The reason for the wild popularity of these drugs is a complex chemical reaction that occurs when the syrup is ingested with the drug benzodiazapine. Benzos such as valium, xanax, and kolonopins react with Prometh or Tussan to create a feeling of total engulfing, orgasmic, nodding, euphoria. Drinking an ounce of yellow or purple mixed with a benzo of three will make one feel like they did some awesome H with none of the social stigma and about two thirds less of the addictiveness. Time slows, your heart rate plummets, everything from the wind on your face to the coursing of your blood feels incredible. You fall asleep in pure bliss only to come to a few seconds later feeling even better. It also makes females hornier than female prisoners while giving any potent male a rock hard erection that lasts three days. Want a first date to remember? Give her a sip of yellow and hit her with the syrup dick. Then turn your phone off because she will blow it to digital shreds.
Needless to say this drug has gained a cache amongst rappers due to all of these attributes. Terrence Kiel was also arrested for shipping the sip from Cali to Texas. (On the flip side this shit also causes heart failure (RIP Screw....duh), poor decision making (Beans), and crystalized kidneys (all my friends STANDUP!!!!). It made me rob a dude in front of the 7-11 on Lombard and its ruined a lot of lives. You can get it on the street up North near Diamond Street if you know some heads. A sealed pint of yellow is about 700 and change. One of purple is about 65% of that price.
So after some wrangling and tearful coughing my boo emerged with a scrip for Purple. Good but not great. Especially the quantity. But we went to fill it regardless. We tried one Rite Aid. Then another. Then another. Then another. We callled over 13 Rite Aid's and Eckerds before giving up. We called back the Doctor who gave us a number for a super secret hospital pharmacy. No dice. According to everyone we talked to, cough syrup is on two week back order in the greater Philly area. This means that if you live in Philly you cannot get this medicine no matter what. It is gone and is not coming back anytime soon. The amount of scrips coming in for it far exceed the amount on hand. Not to mention all the sealed bottles that go "missing" from warehouses and pharmacy shelves. So even with a real scrip for sip it is impossible to gain any of it. Too many forged scrips and shrinkage. A medicine shortage in one of America's major cities, where the fuck are we? Malawi? Are Illadelphians that addicted to syrup? Yup. We went to Jersey got it filled and then traded it in for just under a half of Jack Frost. So all's well that ends well.
Humor aside its amazing to me that major pharmaceutical distributors such as Glaxo Smith Kline or Pfizer who have major corporate headquarters in the Philly Dela area, continue to flood our streets with legal dope and get away with it. You buy these drugs in depressed neighborhoods from kids who sell them for food and clothing money. The syrup, the xanax, oxy's, all of it is available on the block. Most of these cats don't have health insurance let alone access to forged prescriptions. And even forged perscriptions don't explain sealed bottles of sip and boxes of pills disappearing from pharmacies while being available on the street. Except the obvious: all of these drugs are highly affordable on even the worst prescription plans while on the block they increase in value twenty fold. Seventeen year old kids having access to trucking skids filled with pharmies really means only one thing: someone from the Pharmaceutical giants is funneling all of this directly to the streets. Want proof? Go to 17th Street with as much loot as you can grab and see what you can get, sealed bar coded and all. Living in the dirtiest major city in America (Nawlins is off the this now, too small) is a strange thing indeed.
[Frayser Boy, Mike Jones, Paul Wall: Got Dat Drank]
[Prince: Purple Rain, Live at Super Bowl XLI]