Thursday, December 28, 2006

Gay, synthetic, spaghetti

We've been asleep at the wheel the last few days, busy wallowing in cynicism and working furiously on the new Philadelphyinz mixtape (no bff). You know how Jews get around Christmas. I'm not going to pile on about James Brown, I own about fiftenn JB-related 45s, so I'm just going to sit at home and listen to 'em and keep it to myself, speaking jibberish to nobody in particular. I do recommend that everybody go and pick up a copy of Eddie Murphy's Delirous or the LP Eddie Murphy- Comedian if you want to hear the ultimate JB-related humor. There has been far too little mention of the fact that he was an absurd charicature who spoke a language nobody could understand.

We're not really into "news" per se here at justsayin2000, but we've been some lazy bitches when it comes to chiming in about important issues. We understand that you, reader, turn to us whenever you feel fearful or anxious about Allen Iverson, the new Nas album, Jeff Reed's shaved pubic mound and the like. We have a social duty to uphold, but we clearly don't care. I promise to do some more "Whoadie Got Crates" features, the next time I'm alone with my records.

The internets is speaking to me, here's what they sayin:

-My Michigan Wolverines foot-ball team (no Gerald Ford) can eat over 600 pounds of prime rib in a sitting. That is fucking disgusting. However, the resident tit-oogler over at notes that there is a strong correlation between beef-eating prowess and Rose Bowl success.

-Virginia Rep. Virgil Goode is still a total fucking cock. Quoth your boy, we need to watch our backs or “there will likely be many more Muslims elected to office.” Dude is so ready to put Sacco and Venzetti in the ground.

-I hate year-end lists, roundups, reminiscences, whatever. They're a cop-out, they're arbitrary and they're often stale. I'm on the lunar calender, so I also feel sort of offended by them in a religious sense (no L. Ron Hubbard). You'll probably be reminded of some albums that dropped that you never got around to listening to. At worst you will wonder why the author thinks he is so important that you should care. At best you will be treated to an entertaining list of stuff that could have been published at any other time of the year, but decided that the arbitrary temporal separation provided by the changeover in the Roman calender was just the inspiration the author needed to put numbers on shit he could have told you about before, but didn't. If I do write a year end list, it will be arranged chromatically (no synesthesia).

-As a way to maintain my record of hypocrisy, inconsistency and erraticism (is that a word?) I will now bless you with my year-end best-of list of lists from respected publications that I actually like...that I wouldn't bother to read because I don't like lists:

1. Fader's self-indulgent inside joke of a list

2. Jeff Weiss (that means "White") has a list of lists and made "best of" and "most disappointing" lists himself. Jeff knows numbers.

3. And in the spirit of recent nostalgia for the early seventies, Nixon's "Enemies List" ft. Paul Newman and Daniel Schorr, who was apparently threatening back then. Come to think of it, the way his jowls make his "S" sound all hissy is pretty fierce.

4. Byron Crawford's list of the year's top ten rap albums is miraculously devoid of superfluous jabs at Jews.

5. has two great roundup pieces. They're pretty unconventional- one is a top ten blog posts of the year jawn and the other is a "Who Killed Hip-Hop" roundup which really isn't a year-end roundup at all. For the record, my votes go to Conscious Rappers, Celebrity Rappers and "You."

I promise to return shortly with hard-hitting commentary about whatever it is that we talk about on this site- maybe a Steelers post-mortem or a treatise about French house music. In the meantime, stay tuned for some big news coming out of the Philadelphyinz camp, we have new venues, new guest spots and new tapes in store. Be on the lookout.