Monday, November 06, 2006

Record keeps spinnin baby round and round

Congratulations to Jason Bay and the Pittsburgh Pirates- by default, you are the second best professional sports team in Pittsburgh! In order to hold this crown, you have to lose less than 120 games next year. I know that's going to be a rather difficult task, I'm not sure you guys have enough throwing errors or hanging curveballs to lose 120- that's hard! It's been a while since you've been in the top two-thirds of Pittsburgh's pro sports rankings (having been tied for last with the Penguins for so long behind the A-League soccer team), so let me give you some pointers on how to look and act like you belong.

1. Make no more than 3 to 4 crushing mental mistakes per game. This one is expecially important, because you must make sure that you preserve a roughly 1 in 4 chance of winning based solely on your opponent's mistakes.

2. Make sure you take a nose dive early in the year in order to prevent false hopes from developing. If this approach fails, be sure choke spectacularly in the first or second round of the playoffs.

3. Do not practice catching stuff, ensuring a limited success rate in this facet of your operations.

Steelers, now that you're in third, it's time to pick up an over-the-hill veteran to take up space on the 60-day DL!
-Also, Senor Pilly Wonk over at the Nation of Thizzlam has some tidbits on his addiction to BALLINNNNNNN and an explaination of the next phase of gettin dumb. I'm gonna start buying the URLs for every phrase containing the word "dumb" from now on. bitches!!!!

-For those of you who ain't heard, new Ghostface December 12th, called More Fish. There's also a Ghostface/Beyonce track floating out there in the ether somewhere.
Ghostface f/ Trife da God- "Good" (mp3)

Noixe is gonna get at you a little later on some serious business. By the way, I'd like to reiterate that anonymous comments of a confrontational nature will be DELETED.