Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Estevez: therein lies the secret

In yet another demonstration of noixe's psychic powers, the Steelers are beginning to fulfill an extended version of The June 25th Prophecy starring Christopher Walken which presented clear and direct "evidence" that a Disney-esque invisible hand was (and is) guiding the franchise into a heartwarming future of pop ballads and skinny post routes. If the Steelers fate does indeed stand tied to the rules of sports movie sequels, then the adversity of Weeks 2 through 4 should come as no surprise. Neither should it come as any shock that Big Benjamin, Young Tone, TroyTroy and Co. laid down an ass-whipping of comic brutality on the heels of a bye-week likely filled with inspirational speeches, team bonding and numerous training montages (running through tires anybody?), not to mention a fortuitous encounter as the team walked together through the street with their pads on late during the night of October 10th (read on, I'm going somewhere with that.).

You hear a lot about the "Post-Super Bowl Hangover," and I have to agree that the hype and pomp of the Super Bowl does a great deal to dull the instincts of the victors. Stillers on Film XL ended with a great freeze-frame high five, but after you left your seat, you missed the post-credit vignette where Ike Taylor lies passed out on a pile of empty soda bottles while Dan Kreider, wearing his drawers and a t-shirt stained with chocolate cake, idly flips channels. The clock flashes 12:00.Say what you will about Big Benjamin and his motorcycle accident or undescended testicle or whatever, but he, like every other Steeler, had the impression that things would be easier now that the Steelers were the default pop culture football players. You can't turn on the TV these days without seeing some Steelers slingin' FatHeads, roughing up Matt Hasselbeck while he's eating chunky soup or faking the funk for an EA sports commercial. The potential for ego inflation must be enormous. But we here at Just Sayin' can see through the bullshit.

Peep game:

This from Wikipedia's entry on D2: The Mighty Ducks, only with the words "Team USA" replaced by "Steelers," "Team Iceland" replaced by "The Bungles" and the name "Bombay" replaced by "Cowher":

The lure of celebrity becomes a distraction to both Cowher and the players, and reality kicks in when they lose against The Bungles in an embarrassing defeat. Frustrated, Cowher drives his players even harder, yet the Steelers continue to suffer, until they come across a street hockey team who teaches them how to play like "the real Steelers." Cowher realizes that the most important thing is to have fun. After a change in attitude, the Steelers redeem themselves by working up the playoffs ladder to once again meet The Bungles in the finals. This time The Steelers prove to be a match for The Bungles, but the game ends in a tie, resulting in a shootout (read: overtime), which the Steelers win.

Now that is just downright uncanny. I know that the second part about the playoffs hasn't happened yet, but after the 'Lers' pantsing of the Chiefs, the parallels seem awfully striking. It makes you wonder if Joey Porter didn't turn up on the injury list by getting high sticked in an alley last week while the team was learning a valuable lesson about the meaning of sports. They had forgotten what made football fun in the first place, and they needed to hear it from a rough and tumble group of street hockey punks who reminded Clark Haggans of the endless slapshots he took off the side of the barn in Moose Jaw. All of a sudden, football became fun again. Hey nerdy equipment manager, cue the Poorboys "You Ain't Seen Nothin Yet," and get us to the stadium before Peezy cuts your fucking face off!!! We got a game to play!!!


P.S. I don't remember D2 well enough to recall whether or not ex-figure skater Ken Wu wore number 36, but if he's not doing anything right now, I think that number's available in the black and gold.