Thursday, September 21, 2006

Stop the maulings!!! Peeeyah!!!

I have been making an honest attempt to stop writing about the Steelers so damn much (and failing), but something has come to my attention that demands, well, your attention. Joey Porter, he of the "peeeeyah" and the talking shit on the president and the general animated character, Peezy has topped himself. Well, he didn't really do the topping directly...

"I am saddened to learn that my dogs escaped from my yard and attacked and killed a horse," Porter said in a written statement as reported today by the Post-Gazette.

Yes, Joey Porter's dogs mauled a miniature horse to death. You just can't make this stuff up. Peezy's got a mastiff and a pitbull and I suspect he's been raising them on milkshakes made of a teddy bear and unicorn blood with a protein gristle base. They've also been watching Joey's game tapes.

You know how people say dogs resemble their owners? I often say that quarterbacks resemble miniature animals.

I don't know if words can really do this incident (and the characters involved) any justice. So, this is Joey Porter:This is an English Mastiff:

This is a miniature horse:Do the math.

In other news:
-We will have some guest columnists joining us in the near future, musing about Tupac and the Philadelphia bus station, among other things.
-As some of you may have heard, the new bookers at the Khyber in Philadelphia, home of the OG Keystone state dance party Philadelphyinz have threatened to liquidate just about everybody currently associated with the place. Philadelphyinz is on the chopping block despite it's success. In case you haven't figured it out, the humble duo of Apt One and Skinny Friedman run both Philadelphyinz and JustSayin2000, so if you're a reader in the Philadelphia area, get ye to 2nd St this Saturday for some funk, electro, disco, old school and rap music with bad words in it. Ya dig?