Thursday, September 28, 2006

Not just for foreigners anymore!

I know some thangs:

-When I was in the shower, I received a transmission from the future incarnation of planet Zzyzx13 (I've actually been to a real place called Zzyzx, which is where some of Kool Keith's personas claim to be from. It's on I-15 between Vegas and LA.). Buckwild alien heads are real high on this blog Gerard vs. Bear, which basically reads like a music blog written by a proto-hominid or maybe a viciously cynical, high functioning autistic wolverine.

-Yesterday, in a rare event, the sun and moon of JustSayin2000 aligned perfectly and we didn't even think to tell you about it. That's right, pro football player Terrence Kiel of the San Diego Chargers is in big trouble for sending a big batch of ingredients for drank across state lines. Yup, the fourth year DB was fetching lean supplies for his boys in Texas (pronounced "Tixis") and had a not-so-mouth-like-a-disco-ball ending. Here is the story according to an AP sportswriter who you can just picture trying to explain this, given that the word "lean" appears in "quotes" the "whole article." Not icy. You know how we feel about loafers-with-tassels-assed-lemming sportswriters around here. Here is the story according to MJD, who, unlike a sportswriter, knows who Frayser Boy is.
P.S. You might want to drop him from your fantasy team. Wait, fuck that, pick him up.

-I'm saving the best for last. I really don't know how to say this so I'll just say it. Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke (In 500 Words or Less).
[Sound of hundreds of bodies falling in faint as their brains exceed the speed of light]
I was trying to tell this Moroccan guy how American people don't understand Marmaduke or Family Circus either and how we're not crazy. But wait, we totally are. Can't you picture the old ladies from the robot insurance commercial chuckling at Marmaduke?

Late addition:
Thanks to mondesishouse I have been alerted to another "whoa fuck" instance of real life having fiction in a sleeper hold. Ladies and gents, your newest CBA franchise (aside from the one in Pittsburgh which apparently employs Kevin "Appalachian Rude Boy" Pittsnogle and Carl "Bronxxx" Krauser)....

The Atlanta Krunk Wolverines.

Give me a beer and I will unequivocally tell you it doesn't get much better than this.