Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Them couple of days your shit float I played you closer

This a counterpoint to the fourth part of our Steelers season preview. See other sections: 1-2-3

There was a time when even the most levelheaded, forward thinking individuals thought steel would rule Pittsburgh forever. There once was an age where the world could have been nothing if not flat. For years even I was fairly sure that Ronald Reagan was a robot fueled by a blend of rubbing alcohol the tears of negroes. But alas, truth was revealed as myth. Except the Reagan one.

Bill Cowher will not, cannot coach the Steelers forever. In fact, despite every bone in my body telling me to believe exactly the opposite of what Skip Bayless might be thinking, I can't help but capitulate to reason. You ask- what reason might that be?

Bill Cowher is 49 years old, and he doesn't know what he's done with his life. He's been raising children (his own and those of others) for over two decades now. He's got all the money in the world, but there ain't shit in Fox Chapel to spend it on. His daughters have left the roost, and his wife is probably pissed that he's been the one driving the Cowher train for a while now.

He's been experimenting with different facial hair patterns (see: Al Gore), dragging his family to crazy poker nights with Kid Rock and Hank Williams and impersonating himself. These are discouraging signs. His proteges, Dungy and Lewis are close to surpassing him, and he's watched his mentor play with his Martyballs in semi-retired seclusion after he burnt out with the Chiefs. Now, after last year's triumphant victory, Cahr's got nothing left to achieve in his profession.

So, I'm sayin' that the good money is on a retirement, if only to set the stage for a triumphant return when his successor Russ Grimm leaves to coach the Redskins in a few years. As much as I hate to say it, if I was in Cowher's position, I'd leave too. I know it kills Pittsburghers to see any change whatsoever, some people need it. Haven't you ever dreamed of one day making it out of Pittsburgh?

P.S. Does anybody else get that feeling that it's impossible for Cowher to leave in the same way that your Dad can never stop being your Dad? I love it when Cowher gives that look after a dumb penalty all like "I'm not angry, just disappointed."