Tuesday, August 15, 2006

speculation


This is part 4 of the Just Sayin Steelers season preview.

Understand this, sports media massive: regardless of what happens this season, Bill Cowher is not going to leave the Steelers. I don't care that his family has a new house in Raleigh. I don't care about the glory of last season. To the casual observer--hell, to the deeply engrained observer--all signs point to his departure. But it's not gonna happen. Let me break it down for you.

1) Cowher knows what will happen to the Steelers if he leaves.
Not to say he wasn't qualified, but I would wager Cowher's native Pixburgh status played a large part in landing him the job. High off a recent Superbowl victory, even a year later, that may be the only qualification for his replacement. A coaching vacancy right now could be filled by any number of local gridiron vets, but it should not shock anybody if Kenny's cousin Donny from Lincoln Place ends up at the helm. He did, after all, play linebacker'nat at Steel Valley. But Cowher does not only forsee Donny from Lincoln Place as his successor, he also knows this will begin the "Donny Era." Nobody knows the strength of blue-collar solidarity like a man who started Kordell Stewart for almost a decade, yet still kept his job coaching.

2) Cowher can't coach anywhere else.
This is not a Roger Clemens/Benedict Arnold issue. We would love and support the Chin wherever he went (except Baltimore, Cincinnati, Cleveland or Indianapolis), but it's hard to imagine the subtleties of his coaching technique translating well to any other NFL team. As it is, Cowher's gonna have enough trouble adjusting this year. One can imagine the sideline sounding something like this:

Cowher: BEN HAND IT OFF TO BETTIS, HE'S GONNA RUN FORWARD WITH THE BALL AND GET US SOME YARDS.

Willie Parker: Coach, my name's Willie. We went over this last year.

Needless to say, it would get ugly when yelling "GET EM TROY" doesn't hold up on defense, especially without his stash of IC Light tucked in Alan Faneca's gut.

3) Bill Cowher cannot stop coaching football.
He can't leave the Steelers, he can't go elsewhere, that only leaves retirement as an option. Are you for real?

Look at this man.



Look at him.



You tell me: what the hell is this man going to do if he's not coaching football? His daughter probably had the only baptism in history with a special teams coach.

4) Cowher cannot afford to feed both him and his chin.
Just sayin.