Thursday, August 17, 2006

Elvis was a hero to most

If you just keep talking and talking and talking, at some point you'll say something intelligent.

I guess that's how Bill Simmons keeps his job. In his Page2 piece yesterday, in between yammering on about his AL-only keeper league, the Red Sox and various 10 cent pop culture references (for chrissakes, stop reading Maxim and start listening to vinyl you goddamn fratboy) BILL SIMMONS MADE A FUNNY LIST OF STUFF. Here it is verbatim:

By the way, if you were covering the White Sox, wouldn't you make it your goal to keep asking Ozzie Guillen questions that could lead him to possibly giving loony answers? For instance, if I were covering the White Sox for the Sun-Times this summer, I would have repeatedly asked Ozzie for his opinion on the following things: tennis bras, "Brokeback Mountain," vasectomies, UFOs, Barbaro, menstrual cycles, dinosaurs, blogs, Suri Cruise, decaffeinated coffee, "Scarface," Celine Dion, breast-feeding in public, Ugueth Urbina, the plight of homeless people in Chicago, hybrid cars, steroids, movie theaters that still show X-rated movies, NASCAR, pro wrestling and Viagra. I would have worn him down, day after day, and gotten his take on every one of those things. This is probably why I never made it in the newspaper business.

Bill, you so crazy.