Wednesday, June 21, 2006

More ice than alaska

With the International Fucked Up Haircut Festival well into it's second week, it just keeps getting better. West Philly may burn to the ground now that Ivory Coast has been eliminated, but a certain 46th Street Spaniard is still holding out hope for his side. The pundits have started rendering verdicts. Even the Hindustan Times has weighed in on the festivities.

Now I know Noixe already learned you on some Clint Dempsey shit, but did you know that he can(not) freestyle? Watch the new world order get totally exposed as Deuce proves incapable of spittin' about anything other than football. To his credit, he does pronounce chest like "cheeyist." To his discredit, listening to Deuce rap is like eye surgery in comparison to watching the US get donkey punched by the Czechs. Before that video crossed my path, I was starting to have visions of soccer's coming pop culture relevance. But this strikes me as one of those moments where, in a stunning detente, a main character in a film turns out to be a robot with a fatal malfunction. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

-The top ten goals in World Cup History, as voted on by a FIFA website poll in 2002, in a youtube stylee with some help from JS2000 intern Dennis Coles, back from an AWOL stint in Lower Manhattan:

1. Diego Maradona (Argentina), 1986 World Cup vs England 18,062 votes -- a run across half the pitch, duping the whole English defense
Michael Owen (England), 1998 World Cup vs Argentina 10,631 votes -- a counter across half the pitch, duping several Argentinian defenders finished by a spectacular diagonal cross over the goalkeeper
Pelé (Brazil), 1958 World Cup vs Sweden 9,880 votes - a lob over a Swedish defender followed by a precise volley shot past the goalie
Diego Maradona (Argentina), 1986 World Cup vs Belgium 9,642 votes
Gheorghe Hagi (Romania), 1994 World Cup vs Colombia 9,297 votes
Saeed Owairan (Saudi Arabia), 1994 World Cup vs Belgium 6,756 votes
Roberto Baggio (Italy), 1990 World Cup vs Czechoslovakia 6,694 votes
Carlos Alberto (Brazil), 1970 World Cup vs Italy 5,388 votes
9. Lothar Matthäus (Germany), 1990 World Cup vs Yugoslavia 4,191 votes

10. Enzo Scifo (Belgium), 1990 World Cup vs Uruguay 2,935 votes

The Matthäus goal, and many other choice ones without their individual videos (Cruyff, Bergkamp etc.,), can be found on
this BBC top 10. Or, if you prefer, you can peep some of the World Cup's greatest...Japanese style.

In non-football (Philly) related news...

-This one's a breaking piece: Making like Mel Gibson in Forever Young, DJ Too Tuff from Tuff Crew is apparently back in Philly after a 15-odd year hiatus. Not only that, he's picked up the wax again. It was just a few months ago that everybody thought he was dead, but now he's got a myspace page featuring a tribute from Cosmo Baker oozing with child-like awe. I didn't grow up in Philly, so I don't really understand, but if the ramblings of drunk-ass old heads from Philly deserve creedence, I can't front in the least. Not too late to make "My Part of Town" the retro summer jam. Catch DJ Too Tuff tonight at Tritone for his official re-jump-off. I won't be there, but I'm sure it will be a memorable scene.

-More on the Beanie front: Word has it that his most recent dustup was no robbery, it was some payback- at least if you believe the Philly Weekly's hard hitting crime investigation.

-He who smelt it dealt it: Joey Sweeney (of all people) cries foul about the "myth" of trust fund hipsters in a laughingly tardy attempt at a pre-emptive strike.

-In what has become perhaps the stalest recurring story on this blog, Geno's Joe Vento added a quilted square of red to his technicolor xenophobic dreamcoat. Rick Santorum, the biggest shithead in the state, paid a friendly visit to Geno's the other day. No word as to whether HJs were exchanged.